Out of work

There is a certain charm about all these students bicycling in the snow. Outside the library the bikes was parked in 1 meter of snow! And why do they bother? It is very much heavier than walking or the bus!

But then I  think of the obvious ‘fuck you world!!’ that comes with it. To just hop on your bike and leave for school, just because you can, or just because you always do. The snow be damned! Like every morning there is a little bit a struggle in a way that we can handle. Studying involves a lot of sitting on your arse anyway, so what’s a little bit of snow?

I have been out of work for a while. First I tried to sleep as much as possible, the days where so long. Then I started working out. In the end I got depressed and sad, and played silly games on my phone all the time. The feeling of being utterly alone and meaningless is crushing to me. Routines is very important in this situation. When you work, free time is relaxing and fun! If you have a job to go to later. You might think that you can just relax when you don’t have a job too, but it’s really the other way around. Your head is constantly fighting heavy emotions, and on top of it you do not have any money. At all. Not even for food. This life is a real pain. Nothing in our world full of safety and luxury comes up to it. I am lucky. I do not starve. I have people that loves me and helps me. And I have a job now. I am lucky. Very lucky. I got help with the money. I learned how to deal with the emotions.

It’s human to always try to find ways not have a hard time, not to struggle. Watch good movies instead of bad. Eat good food instead of bad. Take a hot shower instead of cold. That’s because life is full of shit anyways. Until the day comes when nothing happens. Workless, meaningless, worthless. Lonely. Being out of a job means a lot of time to do what you want! But what you wanted stops shining, even the bad things stops. Life is flat. So I had to find ways to make bumps. Like biking in the deep snow. That’s hard. That’s tiresome. That kind of shit makes you angry! But it’s nice when it’s over. Then I could be happy. If only just for a while.



Mummers Parade

I just learned about Mummers Parade. It just seemed like a Rio de Janeiro kind of thing. But I got curious. It turned out to be the oldest folk festival in USA! It has mixed traditions from Europe and Africa, but I raised my eyebrows at traditions from Sweden and Finland was represented here! We do not have a New Years parade…

But okay, I red some more. And yes, the tradition was to visit your neighbors on the 26 of December. And this grew into New Year, and grew into a parade. It’s been going on for at least 117 years, change is bound to happen.

The thing is, we still have this December traditions in Norway. In places I do not know of too, but the tradition lives where I grew up. The 25 December, first day, everyone had to be inside. No noise, no running around. Peace and quiet. The 26 December, second day, there was dinner with family and friends. On top of this we go “julbokk”. We dress up and knock on neighbors doors, and get candy. That’s for the kids. Grownups get alcohol, and the walk from house to house gets funnier and funnier. Children and grownups do not mix in the same groups, that been said.

I am not used to this. I can easily see how my childhood experiences relate to the Mummers Parade, but I am not used to the 100 years old dusty heritage of USA happened to me just two weeks ago. I am not used to thinking that I live in an old civilization. I think about Rome as an old civilization. But I guess that’s how it goes. The ancient Romans written words inspired Norse runs. And “julbokk” inspired Mummers Parade. Things change, but we always take something with us. We need change to adapt to new things in or life. We need to take something with us, or we become lost.

The indigenous peoples in the world was forced to change and could not take anything with them. They lost their way. The scars of that experience is what makes them fight so hard to keep what they have left of their traditions today.

Many nations in the world have strong voices that want to preserve the traditions, heritage and skin color of their area. They are just as lost as indigenous peoples was and are.

How would you feel if a complete stranger forced you to stop celebrating Christmas, and even made you afraid of it?

Indigenous peoples experienced to be forced to stop celebrating just as important celebrations as Christmas.

Strong voices of preservation wants to force people to stop celebrating important celebrations as Christmas.

It’s time indigenous peoples started to talk to them that want to preserve.



Today it’s sunny again. Looks cold. It’s strange how the weather affects your mood, as if sun light changes the chemistry in my body. Some says it does.

I’m not sure the planets position can affect me in any way, they are so far out in space. Even the moon. Well, it’s easier to believe the sunlight’s affecting my chemistry. I’m not saying it’s true, but it’s just that I’ve been working nights. It didn’t work out at all.

I’m really looking forward to the spring euphoria. I become the creepy one walking around in town smiling at nothing. As if some funny dude is talking with me in my head. But it’s still very nice. What’s not nice is realizing what a shitty life I’ve had all winter! Well, not Christmas or skiing and that. Shitty life in terms of unwilling to do anything, not really interesting movies and crisps. But I shouldn’t really complain. Most times I stuff myself on the couch underneath a blanket (a really thick one) with a cup of tea, a bad movie, chocolate and crisps without feeling bad. Winter gets a lot of shit, but the seasons gives us a reason to stay inside or have a barbecue or trekking or shopping or whatever you like.

I like the seasons. I have seasons where it’s natural to be outside, to stay in or what ever you like.


First posted in February 2016 on this blog in Swedish.