Out of work

There is a certain charm about all these student bicycling in the snow. Outside the library the bikes was parked in 1 meter of snow! And why do they bother? It is very much heavier than walking or the bus!

But then I  think of the obvious ‘fuck you world!!’ that comes with it. To just hop on your bike and leave for school, just because you can, or just because you always do. The snow be damned! Like every morning there is a little bit a struggle in a way that we can handle. Studying involves a lot of sitting on your arse anyway, so what’s a little bit of snow?

I have been out of work for a while. First I tried to sleep as much ass possible, the days where so long. Then I started  working out. In the end I got depressed and sad, and played silly games on my phone all the time. The feeling of being utterly alone and meaningless is crushing to me. Routines is very important in this situation. Free time is relaxing time and fun! It is. If you have a job to go to later. You might think that you can just relax when you don’t have a job, but it’s really the other way around. Your head is constantly fighting these emotions, and on top of it you do not have any money. At all. Not even for food. This life is a real pain. Nothing in our world full of safety and luxury comes up to it. I am lucky. I do not starve. I have people that loves me and helps me. And I have a job now. I am lucky. Very lucky.

I got help with the money. I learned how to deal with the emotions. When life is good, you start to find ways to not have a hard time, no struggle. Watch good movies instead of bad. Eat good food instead of bad. Take a hot shower instead of cold. That’s because life is full of shit anyways. Until the day comes when nothing happens. Workless, meaningless, worthless. Lonely. Being out of a job means a lot of time to do what you want! But the good things stop shining, the bad things stop. Life is flat. So I had to find ways to make bumps. Like biking in the deep snow. That’s hard. That’s tiresome. That kind of shit makes you angry! It’s a tiresome bump in life that makes the happy bumps in life better.

 

What inspires anger.

Sometimes, you probably know about it. It’s VERY hard to bicycle in the snow. In my case; for an hour! There is a special kind of anger when you have to push the bike DOWNHILL! So unnecessary! I should be able to just hop on and roll down. But no. No wonder we get angry about things like that.

Sometimes, you probably know this one too. When you smash your toe into some kind of f… furniture! Hurts so much, SO angry!! There’s obviously a connection between pain and anger.

But anger does not only come from pain. Not that simple. It could be fear too. Fear makes us angry. Like by the border, looking at the “strangers”. Refusing them to come in. That’s probably fear AND pain making anger.

 

First published on anneliandresenblog.wordpress.com 2 february 2016 in norwegian.