There is a certain charm about all these students bicycling in the snow. Outside the library the bikes was parked in 1 meter of snow! And why do they bother? It is very much heavier than walking or the bus!
But then I think of the obvious ‘fuck you world!!’ that comes with it. To just hop on your bike and leave for school, just because you can, or just because you always do. The snow be damned! Like every morning there is a little bit a struggle in a way that we can handle. Studying involves a lot of sitting on your arse anyway, so what’s a little bit of snow?
I have been out of work for a while. First I tried to sleep as much as possible, the days where so long. Then I started working out. In the end I got depressed and sad, and played silly games on my phone all the time. The feeling of being utterly alone and meaningless is crushing to me. Routines is very important in this situation. When you work, free time is relaxing and fun! If you have a job to go to later. You might think that you can just relax when you don’t have a job too, but it’s really the other way around. Your head is constantly fighting heavy emotions, and on top of it you do not have any money. At all. Not even for food. This life is a real pain. Nothing in our world full of safety and luxury comes up to it. I am lucky. I do not starve. I have people that loves me and helps me. And I have a job now. I am lucky. Very lucky. I got help with the money. I learned how to deal with the emotions.
It’s human to always try to find ways not have a hard time, not to struggle. Watch good movies instead of bad. Eat good food instead of bad. Take a hot shower instead of cold. That’s because life is full of shit anyways. Until the day comes when nothing happens. Workless, meaningless, worthless. Lonely. Being out of a job means a lot of time to do what you want! But what you wanted stops shining, even the bad things stops. Life is flat. So I had to find ways to make bumps. Like biking in the deep snow. That’s hard. That’s tiresome. That kind of shit makes you angry! But it’s nice when it’s over. Then I could be happy. If only just for a while.
It wasn’t anything criminal, don’t worry. It was a picture a friend of mine showed me from his youth. The picture was taken just after he and a friend had been running in the snow naked. They where very happy smiling and covering their most intimate parts with their hands. It looked very cold.
My friend was only eight years younger. Not that much. But I could still see that he was young. Above all, he was thinner. Like a stick actually. And I said; SO SMALL!
And that’s it really. That is my story.
BUT it turns out, the feeling was a little awkward. Only a little, I did not really care. Until I came home, I had some time to think. At home I asked what felt out of sorts? I got the answer; he was thinking that I commented on his private parts.
I did not even see his private parts. They where behind his hands!! HOW could I comment on that??
This part about the human race. I do not understand. We seem to think ourselves past every obvious fact because it feels right. 1: I did obviously not see private parts in that picture. 2: The guy was thinner. So what am I commenting on? Guys? Really? That he was young. Of course. Nothing else was smaller in that picture compared to today.
I do not say that we should feel less. Or that we feel wrong. But it is still important to know the difference between fact and feeling. And YES facts takes some work. Feeling do not take that much work. It is just to open your mouth and tell everyone what you feel. But what if that affects people? Very much? That is a question every grown up needs to think about before opening your mouth according to me. That awkward feeling came from my friend that was so focused on his nakedness, that he heard what he did not want to hear.
People, we need to start thinking deep. Not only what ME, I feel at the moment. What will the consequences be? Will someone get hurt? Will the country and the world benefit from this from ten years on in the future? What am I really telling people with this?
People, you are smarter than this! Let me be clear. I come from a war family. My own grandpa fought 1940. We do not wish to see that again. I will give an arm and a leg for that not to happen again.
With love from Scandinavia.
Sometimes, you probably know about it. It’s VERY hard to bicycle in the snow. In my case; for an hour! There is a special kind of anger when you have to push the bike DOWNHILL! So unnecessary! I should be able to just hop on and roll down. But no. No wonder we get angry about things like that.
Sometimes, you probably know this one too. When you smash your toe into some kind of f… furniture! Hurts so much, SO angry!! There’s obviously a connection between pain and anger.
But anger does not only come from pain. Not that simple. It could be fear too. Fear makes us angry. Like by the border, looking at the “strangers”. Refusing them to come in. That’s probably fear AND pain making anger.
First published on anneliandresenblog.wordpress.com 2 february 2016 in norwegian.